Q: Halloween? Thanksgiving? Meh. Let’s talk Christmas! What’s new and cool for this year?
A: It’s absolutely refreshing to find someone who has crystal clear priorities.
As far as something new, I have the perfect thing for you, Basic Fun Mini Arcade Games (http://amzn.to/2yEsxoy, $13-25). With cutting edge titles like Pac-Man, Space Invaders, Frogger and others, you will blow your friends away with the life-like graphics on these hand-held devices. Guaranteed minutes of fun!
Keeping in the realm of games, may I suggest the Minecraft Light Up Torch (bit.ly/1i2TBK8, $25). This battery operated, wall mountable plastic lamp is guaranteed to keep hostiles from spawning in your proximity, which is important while you are playing that new Mini Arcade Game.
In the Toy Most Likely to be Recalled category, the winner is clearly the Air Wars Battle Drones (airwars.mgae.com, $50). Undoubtedly spawned by the reemergence of the Battle-Bots TV show, these drones allow you and a friend to duke it out. Weapons on drones, what could possibly go wrong? Just don’t shoot your eye out please.
But you can shoot your mouth off with the heir apparent to Cards Against Humanity: What do you Meme? (whatdoyoumeme.com, $30). In fact, it looks just like Cards Against Humanity, except that the black fill-in-the blank cards are now pictures. The answer cards are equally as awful though, so this game is guaranteed to make grandma blush.
So, you might have heard that there is a new Star Wars movie coming out at the end of the year. And next year there are a host of movies coming out, including sequels to Avengers, Deadpool, Jurassic World, The Incredibles, Maze Runner and Mission Impossible. It will literally be an impossible mission to stay away.
But all of those movies will cost a fortune unless you have Movie Pass (moviepass.com, $10/month). This subscription service allows you watch any one movie a day, at any theater. It sounds like a deal that is just too good to last, so I recommend getting it before they declare bankruptcy.
In order to use Movie Pass, you will need a smart phone. May I suggest the new iPhone 8 (apple.com/iPhone, $700)? Heck, why not get two? For me, from you, Merry Christmas, I love it. That is very thoughtful of you. Thank you.
Of course, the number one thing you’ll do with that fancy new iPhone is take selfies. And to take the best selfies, you’ll need better lighting than what the phone itself provides. Flashing to rescue is the LuMee Two (bit.ly/2p9KCpY, $50). A phone case that is ringed with LED lights allowing for professional-level selfies. I hear the Kardashians own stock.
Speaking of illumination, the truly geeky and truly affectionate might find the Long Distance Touch Lamp (bit.ly/2ye0pWj, $75) helpful to keep the midnight oil of love burning. These Wi-Fi connected lamps are linked so turning on one will turn on the other, regardless if they are in different rooms or different states. Truly enlightening. Ba dum bump.
Continuing on the theme of staying connected while apart, let’s not forget our four-legged fluffy friends for life. The Furbo Dog Camera (shopus.furbo.com, $250) is what they are hoping for this Christmas. This web camera will not only allow you to see what trouble Toto is getting into, it will also toss him a treat at the touch of a button.
Of course, my dog Lucas would rightfully think this object flinging him treats is a toy and will promptly rip it apart to get to the cache of cookies. Though I guess it’s still cheaper than him shredding the sofa again.
Finally, it wouldn’t be Christmas without food, right? And there is no better food than the greasy goodness that a deep fryer spews out. But if you are not into clogged arteries, you may want to invest in the Phillips Airfryer (http://philips.to/2yEKK5j, $200-300). Eating healthier with this bad boy will get you at least another Christmas or two in your life so don’t pass this one up!
Good luck in your holiday shopping and Merry Politically Correct Holiday at the End of the Yearmas!